I’ve wanted to write a letter to Caleb for a long time telling him how much I love him and what an impact he’s already had on my life in his two short years. With the new baby just around the corner, and things changing daily, I worry that he’ll feel a little less important. I want him to know that will never be the case, and figured Valentine’s Day was as good a time as any for my first letter to my son.
Dear Caleb,
It’s hard to put into words how much I love you, but I want you to know that I wanted you more than you will ever know. While you grew inside my tummy I never dreamed that such a loving and beautiful person would be created. From the bottom of my heart I want you to know that you have changed everything about my life for the better. You are everything I hoped for and so much more.
At least a couple times a week I thank your daddy for giving me you. I know it’s strange, but sometimes I feel so blessed to have you in my life that I feel the need to thank him. I loved your daddy so much before you came, but every day I look into your sweet eyes my love for him grows exponentially. He gave me the best gift anyone has ever given me…you.
It brings me so much joy to see the perfect synthesis of all the wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) parts of me and daddy blossom in you. I love how, just like your father, you are brilliant beyond imagination. You are fearless and so confident, but thoughtful in your every move. Like daddy, you make me laugh when you’re not even trying to be silly, and your smile or laugh can instantly turn my mood around. I love that you love with your whole heart, like mommy, and that music can instantly brighten your day.
I love how you inspire me to be a better person, and motivate me to approach life with more patience, compassion and mindfulness. And, I love that you continue to love me regardless of how many times I fall short in my attempts.
I love to kiss you, hold your hand, and watch you sleep. I dream of what you will become one day and the possibilities are endless. All I know is that no matter what you choose, no matter where life takes you, I will always support and love you. I never want you to feel anything less than loved.
I think back to all the months of no sleep, the horrors of starting you on solid foods, the temper tantrums and crying, at all the times I felt defeated and overwhelmed, and all I feel is love. I can’t help but think back on all these memories fondly because they brought us to where we are today. And, I love where we are today.
I love watching you grow and learn new things. I love watching you observe everything that surrounds you, and then hearing you explain to me your version of what you witnessed. I love that you never cease to amaze me.
I love that you teach me something new every day. I love that every morning you give me the biggest kiss (with the worst morning breath) and follow it with, “Well hello mommy.” I look forward to those three sweet words each and every day.
I love all the little (and big) ways you show me you love me. Whether through hug, kiss, smile, sign, a look, a pinch, a va-va-voom designated solely for me, a pat on the back, a song, or a note written in your best two year old penmanship. Your love means the world to me.
I love being your mommy Caleb. I love the mommy I’ve become, and the mommy I hope to be. And, I love that experiencing life with you makes me love my mommy even more than I already did.
I can’t imagine my life without you Caleb. I love you ‘the whole wide world.’
Mommy
